i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Randomize
