the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
