I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
