"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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