There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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