just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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