had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
