I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Randomize
