I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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