You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
