Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
