I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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