How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
