sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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