Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
