I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My dick has a subreddit
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
