Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
