The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
