It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
