i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
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