i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
