I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
well you can't waste a boner
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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