I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
