And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dick very happy bro
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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