I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
