I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
