I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
