I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
