The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
