Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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