Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
