im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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