I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
