she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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