Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
