I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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