On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
4 words: hood of his car
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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