your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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