I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
