I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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