And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
