So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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