Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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