i would punch a child for taco bell
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
