We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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