she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
