Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
sarcasm needs its own font
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
