My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
