Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
