Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
