guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
